The Problem

I’ve got a procedural texture that I’m happy with. It’s been fine for still renders. But when I animate the object, the texture slides around. I figured the obvious solution would be to bake down the procedural texture into a regular UV image map(s) like diffuse, specular, AO, roughness, etc. But when I baked, I got a black map. I wanted a shadeless, color-only diffuse map. Just that. No lighting information. But I got nothing.

A Workaround So Clean, It Might As Well Be The Solution

So, still confused about the resulting black map bake, I start considering other solutions. And then it hit me: